Just Give It Thought Though

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19/08/2007 by Siddiqui Fayesal

why is it that my perfect world is destroyed time and again and I have no one to blame it on. The worst part is that I cant even blame myself cause it aint my fault. Things are so glowingly perfect and suddenly they go wrong. For some reason or another my perfect little world is blasted into smithereens. The intensity of my hatred generated (I dont even know at whom its targeted) by my is only matched by my helplessness of not being able to do anything to make my perfect world look sane again. Not to my parents; not to my friends and not even to myself
I cant even get myself to lie and make my own self believe in it. Is it because I fell short of doing something that was of utmost importance that made it all go down. One mistake. Cant no one in the world point it to me, dammit, if I’m so daft. Please tell me why am i feeling this weight in my gut that keeps dragging my conscience, my ego, my confidence into oblivion. C’mon cant I even guide my “own” little world. People have gone on mars and come back. Cant anyone tell me whats wrong with me from the inside. Its not a phobia. If it is, then it just has to be a phobia of phobias. But that’s weird!!!

Can i then blame it on my Fate please??? Am i such a useless sack of shit that I’ve come down to this. In the fast paces world of wants and desires have I been left behind where I still believe in such things. Am I a freak or maybe I’ve just traveled through time from the stone age and come to this new era where believing in something intangible makes you a fool. Yeah that has to be it.

Otherwise how can anyone believe in some thing like this. Haven’t the intellectuals disproved the theory of God and a supernatural creator as a hoax. All the intellectuals have time and again proved that everything has a reason and hence the theory of a creator does not make sense.

C’mon, the big bang theory, the Darwin theory. it has just made me look like a bigger fool. But what the heck!!! why cant I shake of the nagging feeling of being watched. Maybe it’s a hidden camera, or maybe its someone called “God”…

Remember the brilliant line from Hawk Roosting By Teg Huges….
“…….It took the whole of Creation
To produce my foot, my each feather:
Now I hold Creation in my foot.”

So, have we outpaced the raw belief of believing in a book…that does sound absurd I should say.

For example the holy book says that the reason for lightening was that God was angry at his creation for various reasons (they are plenty in number I should say.) But my 2nd,3rd,4th,5th and 10th grade book says that there is a reaction or a pull or attraction or maybe affinity between the neutrons or the protons(or something like that- I don’t remember as its only important till I give my examination paper) I’m sure if I decided to major in science even my masters text would say the same. And trust me people find it easier to believe in the neutron proton theory than to believe in the holy book. Isn’t it obvious… The old text is “old” these newer books are the more recent editions.

If I tell you that there are 500,000,000,000 trillion stars in the sky you will believe it. But at the same time if I tell you that the park bench right in front of you is wet you wont, not until you stain your finger with green paint that is.

Why is it that men have decided to play masters to their own destiny. Hasn’t the lord got anything to do with our lives. oh! I almost forgot. We don’t have a Lord now, do we??? We have taken our lives into out own hands shaping it and moulding it into something that we want. Not according to what’s supposedly written down by a so called God. But then why cant I shake the nagging feeling of being watched. Why do I feeling guilty when I do something wrong and I know that no one has seen me do it. You call it a conscience. I say why don’t you prove it…

You cant prove what you cant see you say. Does that mean that just because we don’t see Him He doesn’t exist. The beauty of the day and night, the smell of the flower, the change of seasons. Its all science and total reasoning who turns the earth for it to rotate. Just because some crazy old bummer tells me that it has an axis I aint gonna believe him. Prove it I say. Show it to me. You cant can you? Then I think I will carry on my old belief of god with me till the day I die. At least I know I wont do wrong and not feel guilty.

Where the hell is the charismatic fear that used to govern the heart of men and women alike gone; where is the mystery that governed our day to day life. Where is the fear of your lord gone. Yeah, ok so we’ve lost our ethics, our principles and also our clothes. Have we even outpaced him???

A life i have to live my own
My very own dream
My own etched rules
The reason they’ve grown.

A flicker of smile
A dash of stress
With a dab of love
All was thoughtfully fine.

A rather shifty feel
An uneasy start
A warning bell
An upper hand it seems.

If life was His
Why choose another
An accomplice to speed
The base work for him.

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