25/03/2012 by Siddiqui Fayesal
It has happened with everyone. Even with the most accomplished as well as the most insipid and banal of jokers and stand up comedians. We’ve seen it happen with Russel Peters so many times that we’ve lost count now. I really don’t know if it’s got a term in the literary circles of “Joke Crackers Anonymous” so lets just call it Crap in your Pants.
Yes, it’s the bane of every prospective comedian. You stand in front of an audience who has come for a good laugh, or at least for having a better time than watching the re runs of Aahat which, by the way, was very very funny.
So anyways, you’re in the centre of the stage about to begin cracking humourous anecdotes which would crack people up. And, suddenly you HAPPEN to notice the lady in the 4th row where she is doing some hand gestures to her neighbour. Her gesture either say, ” What an ass is he? Who let him come here?” or “… This is how a duck mates with a chick(en)”
Nine out of ten times the comedian will stutter and stumble and lose the thread of the proverbial rib shattering humour! The remaining are the veterans. They’re used to their jokes being ignored. Its their USP to tell the truth. They get paid by the hour and they don’t even have to crack a legitimate cracker!!!
How blood damn convenient. I mean its the same with me but I don’t get paid!
Its awesome. You come on stage; people are dining and conversing.
You stand up and say some crap while the grossly underpaid drummer thwaks his drum at regular intervals which incidentally coincides with the non existent punch line of your joke and people are still dining and conversing!
You do a fake salute to the crowd and they’re still hell bent on ignoring you!
You’d talk crap about their mothers and they wont react! It feels like the lone drummer is your only audience! And, of course, your mother too! No, your wife wont be interested in your joke either sir!
On a serious note now I wonder how it’d feel to be one like that? Standing in front of even, lets say, 20 people and knowing they don’t like you and you still continue!
Balls of steel or just being plain shameless? I don’t know! But I really don’t think that I’d ever be able to do that. But then I don’t have a wife and a kid at home to support so its ok for me to make such high handed statements.
Forget stand up actors! Take the trinket sellers in the trains. Ok I know many people buy but the ratio of people who buy and the people who don’t is totally skewed towards the latter.
But sell they do. They know that 7 out of 10 pair of eyes are eyeing them with disinterest but that doesn’t deter them from doing what they want to. What they have to! In spite of knowing that there are so many who will not only stop at being not interested but widen that scope and look down on people who buy them too!!!
I know this happens.
People will do anything for their hungry kids I tell you!
But wait a minute. Why the rather insensitive take on stand up comedians?
Well, allegorically speaking, the comedians here represent the species who are too cock sure for their own good.
Being too sure of yourself comes from either being desperate or being with the wrong type of people.
While the trinket seller has a family to look out for; the comedian, allegorically, falling in the latter category, just think they’re swell. The ones falling in the former category are almost the same as the peddlers on the train!
But them cock sure acts, I tell you!!!
Speaking plainly and totally frankly I hate cock sure people! While this might sound really inconsiderate and irrational I do have my reasons. Reasons which I believe are the benchmark of the constitution of this entire system of humane and behavioral ideology.
Maybe its just because I’m not a very confident guy to begin with; maybe its just because its more endearing to be humble; maybe being so sure of yourself and taking yourself so seriously is really something that I don’t understand at all!
I think this is the parameter by which I, usually, measure people. When I don’t have more obvious things to rely on, of course.
I remember this song by Outlandish called Peelo! What I learnt from the esoteric verses was that a little bit of humility hurts non! Lyrics like Peelo Guttar ka paani peelo; kabhi na kabhi toh peelo I think say just that.
Humility is that benchmark I say!
In retrospect I see that this post could’ve been split in at least three but what the hell!
I wrote it in at least 10 sittings after all!