Ayesha-Rehan: 19.11.1996

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27/12/2012 by Siddiqui Fayesal


I got the news just yesterday.

All I could ask God was “What’s going to happen to his daughter?” In spite of all the misgivings and discomfort, I finally gathered the courage to visit her. What do you tell someone who has lost so much? Is there any possible thing that one can say to make it easier? Won’t it sound drab and empty? All I did, Rehan, was to sit and hold her hand and lend my shoulder. That was it. I sat still, fought back my tears, and let her melt away in my arms. Such has life become! Between sobs, she told me that it was Jia’s birthday when he fell.

Such is the irony of life after all.

Yes, it affected me. Too strongly for your comfort, I know. You genuinely thought that I wouldn’t hear of it? How could you, Rehan? The small, tightly knit, community that shares everything from letters to shrouds. Where courage is borrowed more often than acquired! Naivety or a carefully thought of scheme, Rehan? Did you not once think that I would’ve been in a better position to bear it if I heard it, or read it, from you rather than an unintended courier? What’s wrong with you? I know you’re hale and whole then why this hide-and-seek? Where is your damn concern???

Or was it just that which made you stop?

I’m sorry. Maybe I’m just wound too tight. Listen, you have to write and make it quick. Please. Tell me the whats and the hows! How do I handle Junior’s incessant questions? How do I explain that Jia lost a father! How would he understand when he himself is unaware of the entire concept of fatherhood? A three-year-old whose only idea of his father is that he “is away working”. How much longer do you want him to be on his own? It is unbecoming of you Rehan to let your kid survive all alone. Jr. is OK for now. You now it. Is that the issue? He’s 3 today. He’ll be 4 in some months Rehan. Kids talk! Are you going to make him face such terrible things alone?

Just like you did it with me?

I want to know how it happened. I need something on me so I can help Divya out of the trouble. I just hope she keeps Jia in mind before she ends up doing something weird. I can see it in her eyes Rehan. She’s raving mad. I hope what she tells me about the incident is not true. If it is, I’m going to hunt down that bitch who told her those things and I’ll curse her all the way to the lowest trough of hell. I’ll do that even if it’s true. I swear she has it coming.

Rehan. This is getting more difficult. I had envisaged quiet evenings where I’d pen you letters and you’d promptly reply. I had conveniently ignored the blood and the gore; the murders and handicaps; the tears and the utter desolation surrounding a household with a man conspicuous by his absence. I need you back. Enough of heroics. Enough of your truisms. I don’t bloody care.

Come back, Rehan!


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