18/02/2013 by Siddiqui Fayesal

They say addiction is bad. It makes one lose control over ones psyche; that it makes people impulsive and uncontrollable when the thrill of “doing” it isn’t fulfilled. It is like a bad dream which runs in a loop but never reaches the climax making the person wanting to go through it over and over again!

I’m addicted too.

No. It’s not smoking or drinking or any other regular stuff. To be honest, until this afternoon I never took offense when my addiction was pointed out. Today afternoon was the lightening striking on me but the first indication I was given (by the high and mighty Lord) was 2 days back. I went to my regular library and issued Cross. It’s book 12 in the Alex Cross series written by James Patterson. I love the author. He’s quick and has a strong emotional impact. Out of the 12 I can definitely say without fear of contradiction that at least 8 of them were simply brilliant and lightening quick. Anyway, I started around noon. It was a healthy 280+ pages. I never intended to do what I did. Apparently, I tried hard. Real hard.

I finished it before the 8th hour dissolved into the 9th.

My eyes were red. The central fixation of my pupil was disoriented. There was a distinct pain in my right temple. I could feel my retina cry out.

I could’ve accepted  these physical yearning of rest if I was reading a  Dostoyevsky. But I was reading a Patterson for god’s sake! Patterson is fast, quick and thrilling. They weren’t heavy on the head. They didn’t require analytic reasoning and analysis after they’re read. But for some unknown reason I just couldn’t stop. I kept it aside 5 times. I went to wash my face and freshen up. I took around 4 chai breaks. But I just couldn’t let it be. Is this good, I ask? An addiction of any substance whatsoever is nothing but that, an addiction!

Well, this was then. Now, for the second home coming. I was working and surfing gocomics to alleviate the boredom that my job brings along with it. Mind you, I was busy. But I still read at least 3 months worth of Luann. Somewhere around January or February 1991 there was this innocent little strip of Luann asking her mother what she did on weekends.

Mum says she read.

What??? Reading only on weekends? Are you kidding me? Really?

And that was it. I’m addicted to my reading and until now I was proud of it. Addiction is bad. Being a voracious reader means that I want to read. Not that I cannot help but read. Well, I’m going to change that. I don’t want to be like those who read a 100 books a year. I’m very happy reading just 2, or maybe 3, books every month depending on the thickness and genre and the educational value it has. I’m going to outline a proper schedule, filter in genre wise and then read. I’ll enjoy every written word. I’ll let every chapter wash through me and pervade every pore of my body. I won’t confuse myself. I won’t push myself. I won’t force myself.

I will do this and enjoy my books a lot more than I did.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I just read a book by scanning my eyes over the dialogues and skimming through the descriptive part. I can say it with pride that I read everything carefully. I get my quotes right if I have to. I write reviews for our book reading group here and enjoy it. But this wanton wildness has to stop.

And it will.

Siddiqui F.

11 thoughts on “Addicted…

  1. letizia says:

    It’s a wonderful passion to have 🙂 Sometimes it’s tough to slow down and read fewer books, but it’s a wonderful problem to have!

    • I agree it’s wonderful. I want it to continue. But at a basic level don’t you think it’s a sign of weakness when you can’t control?

      • letizia says:

        Well, my feelings are that we all have hobbies and loves, they are what make us human and what make us unique, as long as they don’t harm others, I think it’s healthy to enjoy them. If we are happy, we are often more compassionate human beings, I find!

  2. amarllyis says:

    Haha. 😀 Wanton wildness, eh?

    • Yes, wildness it is. I don’t think it’s healthy to rush through them like this. Especially if you’re helplessly trudging along.

      I think I need help!

  3. ogonisira says:

    There are good addictions and there are bad ones, that being said, reading in your case would be bad if you were only interested in playboy or the penthouse series…

    • Haha. No no, I’ve never been interested in reading those trashy stuff. Though, in my opinion, addiction per se is something with a negative connotation. I’d rather “decide” to read like a man man than read out of compulsion.

      Thanks for stopping by.

  4. Tame SheWolf says:

    What a good addiction to have. Pass it to me before you cure yourself of it.

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