Loving Men – Prologue


11/11/2013 by Siddiqui Fayesal

Ever wanted a Man Friday? Someone you could depend upon in the most dire of situations. Someone who you would be sure of having your back at all times?

I think we all want a friend, a partner, a buddy, a second, whatever name you call him by, and we want him by our side. We’d want him to be at our beck and call although it wouldn’t seem like that. A perfectly symbiotic relationship is something we probably dream of all the time. A situation where we’d be there, standing in gore, with a scythe in one hand and a bazooka in another to defend the honour and to respect the all encompassing essence of your mate. For you know, and you know it well, that come what may you’d be given the same honour in return. Not because he wants to return the favour but solely because that’s what they’re for.

I’m not talking about a boyfriend/girlfriend, a wife or a someone with whom you have passionate sex with. It’s a little difficult to explain. So I have decided that I will write a series of my favourites, in no particular order, when it comes to comradeship between two men. I’m not leaving out brother(sister)hood between two girls not because I think it doesn’t exist but because I’m not thinking of sisterhood right now. Also, by saying this I’m making a big big statement, I think the most basic of women’s nature is to mother. They’re caring and passionate in their most inherent functionality. So it’s not difficult to imagine two girls loving each other with the ardour and passion, nothing sexual I swear, reserved for a utopian world. I can very well imagine girls like that. I can. Really.

But it is a little difficult to find such men who love each other like that. Behind the macho facade that they hide behind is a human heart. It doesn’t mean that Brutus wants to make love to Cassius when he told him that he loved him. How many men say this to their comrades today? Without going into the insane phlegm inducing and bat shit crazy the world that has become and associate “Love” with only “Sex” I’m gonna write about 3 (I’ll add more when it strikes me) such friendships that made me want to write! 6 guy who made me want to dig deeper an find out what made them click and like each other in this manner.

It might not only be loving. But, perhaps only about respect! But doling that kind of respect for another man on an everyday basis is something that I would like to know!

The list is not exhaustive. I just suddenly thought of them. All 3 are from main stream fiction and one WILL recognise there is a certain slope to their relationship. For some reason I have never seen them as equals. One of them is always at a higher pedestal than the other. Be it in class, in wealth, in social stature or in mere residual mannerism. Its not that it makes a difference but why, I am wondering still, have I never come across a couple so strong and so perfect and so equal. I suppose, and I’m supposing BIG time here, that the inequality brings out their love more beautifully. Perhaps the writers wanted to bring out the unconditionality of their affection for each other in a more pronounced form.

I’m wondering if I should give out their names…

Hmm. Nope. I’ll keep ’em with me for now.

Siddiqui F.

35 thoughts on “Loving Men – Prologue

  1. Tame SheWolf says:

    Are you thinking what I am thinking?
    1. Sherlock and Watson
    2. Jeeves and Wooster
    3. Batman and Robin

    • Tame, I’ll give it to you!
      Not only did you get one right you gave me something to chew upon.

      • Correction. You got more than one right!

        • Rajiv says:

          Andy and Red from Shawshank?? That’s gotta be right up there in the annals of epic bromance/bro-ship/deep friendship on mainstream celluloid/arts. Not only does Red help Andy, caring for him throughout his life in prison, watching out for him, having his back, but also Andy crucially helps Red in emancipating himself from the “institutionalization” self-defeating mentality, and Andy plays a central role in Red redeeming himself in the end (that’s the Redemption hinted in the title). Their friendship formed over a gradual and abiding bonding of 20 years spent inside the confines of a prison, is perhaps one of the most idealistic and iconic examples of what two male-friends/companions/brothers-in-arms can be like.

          • Confusion mate!

            Tame got more than one right. You got one!

            And I think I should hurry lest one of you guess the third one too.

            • Rajiv says:

              Aah yes I thought it could very well be Alfred and Bruce Wayne from Nolan’s trilogy. That was a relatively easy guess too 😛
              Fair enough then, hurry up your post. But in the meanwhile I might keep guessing 🙂
              PS: Surprised Andy/Red doesn’t make your cut!!

  2. Tame SheWolf says:

    I can think of so many good friendships which are intense but not sexual, both fictional and non-fictional)..
    “Platonic” is the word we are looking for.

    • Tell me about the Non-Fictional ones! Very very interesting it will be.

      • Aamil says:

        The friendship of Einstein and Godel is one non fictional friendship that comes to mind. Two geniuses of Jewish descent who escaped Nazi Germany only to come to the USA. This was a place where few people understood what they were and where they come from. On top of that, these people were already a notch above the rest of the Jewish immigrants, making it difficult for them to mix with them.

        In a time like this, they spent time with each other and created a legacy that has fascinated scientists for decades. Read

        • Aamil says:

          The just removed the link I posted. Read “A World Without Time: The Forgotten Legacy of Gödel and Einstein” – http://books.google.co.in/books/about/A_World_Without_Time.html?id=tuA-cY_6HZkC&redir_esc=y

        • Rajiv says:

          Yes that’s a good one! In fact most of the German, Austrian, Hungarian scientists, physicists and mathematicians who migrated to the U.S. before WW-II were pretty close to each other, and roamed in close circles of trust and respect exactly because of sharing the same core beliefs, the same historical background and the same cultural and anthropological legacy – combined with their revulsion of everything the Third Reich and NAZDAP stood for, and their admiration for the liberty enshrined in the American Constitution and a firm belief in the fundamental goodness and unparalleled potential of America (at least at that historical time).

      • Tame SheWolf says:

        See, I don’t know any guy personally who is brotherly close to another guy. I know them as acquaintance, friends of my friends who are like that.

        Guys have guy friends, of course. Who know about their life, of course. But what you are describing is bonding on a deeper level.

        To achieve that, there is some level of unabashed, unembarrassed love required.. and that demands a personal emotional maturity that boys lack.. that sense of security in one’s sexuality.

        So, if an onlooker accuses your friendship to be gay, there’s no reactionary homophobic dejection of the bond y’all share. Samjha? That requires emotional maturity, that I find lacking in most men.

        Girls are comfortable with each other. Gestures of touch are not labelled sexual. So for a guy, to break free, he needs to be brave and secure in his head about his sexuality, even a straight guy.

        Do you get what I am saying? Ya aur explain karu..?

        • Yes, it requires an emotional security well out of reach of the normal guys that we usually know of. But the bond that i am talking about is not necessarily about emotional overtures with regards to sexuality. There are bonds that need not be physical that would make people question their orientation. There are men who would be wooden faced with each other but they know just how much the other means to them!

          I agree that to find a friendship between two guys who don’t have a “reactionary homophobic dejection” is almost impossible to find. But, again, this reduces the Universal Set to the guys who show their “brotherhood” or “loyalty” with signs of gestures and physical actions.

          Even if we do count that it still doesn’t preclude everything now, does it? This is the one reason that I spoke of fictional characters. Also, that was the reason why I asked you about the non fictional ones.

          • Tame SheWolf says:

            See, forget touching, hugging, warm gestures and everything.
            If you’re really close to a guy, and even if it’s just a short, silent glance back in agreement to what has just been said by the other… it looks intimate.
            You’ve to be proud and respectful of that friendship, not diluting that intensity in front of others.

            In the Sherlock TV series, I totally love the gay angle they play with in the series.. Haha.. it’s such an endearing thing to watch.. The building of that kind of loyal friendship.

            • See. That is exactly what i’m talking about. I’m not talking about the love in the way it is being interpreted these days.

              Remember my Brutus and Caesar analogy, right?

        • Rajiv says:

          Yo mama is making so much sense, that she can give all women a run for their money!
          (it’s a reference to a category of internet jokes called the “Yo mama” series)
          (and yes it’s an indication that I think you make a heck of a lot sense here, and I am in agreement with you. Most men, at least almost all goddamn straight men, lack that advanced emotional maturity free of insecurities, including anything to do with physical intimacy.)
          (And yes, I am also suggesting, why can’t all women make this much sense most of the time?! So decide if you want to accept the compliment as a person or critique the hell out of me as a Feminist for being mock-sexist! 😛 … Hope that’s a Good Catch 22! :P)

          • Tame SheWolf says:

            I think I like it only when Justin Timberlake says it.
            You people just spoil it.

            *Walks away singing.. “Hey little mama, Ain’t gotta ask me if I want to… Tell me, can I get a light?”*

  3. Aamil says:

    For me the best such friendship is the one between Dr. House and Dr. Wilson in the TV series House M.D.

    Must watch if you haven’t.

    • Oh man! Another series to catch up with!!!

      Well, ok. Send ’em over 🙂

    • Rajiv says:

      Whoa! That’s quite right. That one along with Red and Andy from Shawshank I think characterizes the deep, abiding bond of two men.

      The dynamic between Alfred and Bruce Wayne in Nolan’s Trilogy is also wonderful in it’s gentle camaraderie between a much older, wiser man and a younger, broodier, angsty man.

      • I’m not liking this! You too got one right!

        I need to hurry with my post now :-p

        • Rajiv says:

          Hahaha! 🙂
          Andy and Red was an easy guess though. Anyone who’s alive and well in 2013, with an interest in world/english cinema or even an average human, would have seen Shawshank and been moved by the simple but profound tale of human companionship, of emancipation, and of redemption! 🙂

          So relax. Write your post, but please don’t hurry! 😛 🙂

      • Aamil says:

        Rajiv, the bond between Andy and Red was one that was forged in adversity. It was a relationship of necessity. To be sane in the world that Andy was thrust into, he needed a crutch. Red was that crutch. That they became friends is the inevitable result of a long association.

        The case of House and Wilson on the other hand, was totally different. House was an asshole who did not care for anyone. Not even Wilson. Wilson was a good guy who gave his best at his job, cared for his patients like a father and loved his friends. House constantly messed things up for Wilson, but Wilson saw through those selfish acts of his and stuck with him till the end. He effected a change in House that made him human. For this, House makes the ultimate sacrifice in the end (no this is not what you think and is not a spoiler). That, is friendship 🙂

      • Aamil says:

        I don’t know why I had to go ahead and dissect your opinion. Sorry for making that comparison between the friendship of Red and Andy and that of House and Wilson. Both are beautiful in their own right.

        • Rajiv says:

          Hahaha, happens man. Especially with argumentative intellectually curious types! 😛 … You first argue solidly rational points, and then realize that the crux of the matter might be emotional in nature and not containing much conventional logic.

          That said, I agree with your fundamental differentiation of the *nature* of friendship between House/Wilson pair and Andy/Red pair, but I disagree to christen one friendship while another as not. I think both were fantastically portrayed and brought to life by respective writers/actors/directors as examples of different but equally authentic and valid deep abiding bonding between two men.

          Also if you think about it, House analyzed correctly (sometime in the middle seasons) that Wilson has the “needy” complex – he likes to date women that are “needy” or are “damaged” or “unavailable” in some way or the other. And it is obvious that Wilson’s psyche views House as a bro-version of a damaged woman. So it’s a bromance brewing. So in that sense you see Wilson perhaps *needs* to be with House, and *needs* to unravel the damage and at least give it a good shot to rectify it. House too, despite his cynical overbearing misathropic, narcissistic and devilish ways, let’s face it – *needs* Wilson.

          So while Andy/Red were brought together by the arbitrary forces of circumstances, three things come to mind:
          * Andy would view the circumstances as being “cruel”, while to Red, who *redeems* himself in the end through his transformational association and interactions with Andy, getting rid of his “institutionalization” fears, shedding the false image he needs to present in the parole hearing for securing a release, and thus finally accepting and coming to a closure with his crimes … Red would view the same circumstance (that of Andy’s tragic conviction as an innocent) as a *boon*, as a *gift*. And perhaps Andy too, with the benefit of time and retrospection wouldn’t have minded accepting the “circumstance” as his destiny, as his karma, as a good thing.
          * The House/Wilson relationship is also shaped by circumstance and is need-based … The circumstance of being this unique pair of men with contrasting personalities, in close proximity to each other, working in the same hospital. And the need of being the Yin to the other’s Yang, and vice versa.
          * All relationships, including friendships, involve give-and-take, and are fundamentally shaped by circumstances, needs and expectations.
          QED to a point which you conceded anyways 😛

      • Tame SheWolf says:

        I was going to say Alfred and Bruce.. but if you think about it, it’s more fatherly than brotherly.
        He feels loyalty to the Wayne legacy and the self-tortured kid he watched grow up…
        What say?

        • Alfred and Bruce. When one says “brotherhood” it need not merely mean brotherly… Alfred loves Bruce just as much as humanly possible. Remember the last scene of the Nolan’s Batman franchise na!

  4. amarllyis says:

    And I am here.

    This post is inspired by Frodo and SamWise Gamgee. And you are talking about:

    Sam and Frodo
    Jeeves and Wooster
    Alfred and Bruce (But like TSW said, it’s more fatherly-brotherly)

    I would say Ron and Harry too, but I’m not sure if it fits your description. And TSW has it bang-on when she says “men lack the emotional maturity” Tch tch tch.

    • Rajiv says:

      F*** yea! Samwise Gamjee and Frodo Baggins – how can anyone *NOT* see that from a lightyear away?! That was an epic association lasting through an epic trilogy. Good spot!

  5. […] was a big deal of small talk over Loving Men where I spoke about three blog posts to showcase the beauty of friendship among men. My friends […]

  6. […] this series. For the new comers (I sure hope there are some) this is where you’ll find the Prologue and Part One of this […]

  7. […] the other posts in Loving Men, here! Loving Men – Prologue Lovin Men – One Lovin Men – […]

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