Faramir and Me

5

30/10/2014 by Siddiqui Fayesal

Just because I think I’m like Faramir it doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m saying that my dad is Lord Denethor.

This is the thought that I had as I sat on my chair befuddled at the forlorn and redundant life I was leading. Of course, I would appreciate it if the readers didn’t snigger and boo me simply because I dared to call myself Faramir. I did not. The catch word is ‘think’. Surely, I won’t be lynched for merely thinking so, will I?

My forlorn life is a product of two things that I have sorted out from the jumble of unacceptable excuses and irrational melancholy. As of now I’m going to nod and agree to this two thing theory though I know I’ll be debunking it in my next post. The murderers of my happy life are these two things.

Planning and over-thinking.

Yes, planning is my bane. I love to do it so I have no qualms in accepting that I leave no opportunity to add things in my planner or in a to-do list or merely ‘plan’ to plan. A few days back a trio of friends made fun of me and said that I probably have a reminder in my phone to check a reminder that I noted in my to do list.

Scary stuff, eh!

Although I don’t have THAT kind of a reminder but I do have numerous lists and plans. It’s not bad if execution was warranted if it was entered in my lists. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but reiteration is fun just like execution is a bitch. I plana and plan and then plan some more and then I sit on my butt and ruminate some more planning and then ultimately do nothing.

How much fun is that, you ask?

Oh, plenty. It’s fun because when I plan and do nothing about it I go the other part of my problem. I start thinking. Oh, boy, do I think! I think and then I over think. I’m sure I’m not the only one who goes on this random trajectory once in a while but I honestly don’t give a rat’s arse about these *other* people. I’ve got my problems that I SHOULD be solving but what do I do instead?

I plan and then I do nothing. It’s the source of my most peevish aspects of my life. I sit back and tell myself that the next day will be a whole lot better because, well, I’ve done squat today so obviously, out of sheer guilt if nothing else, I would be on top of my game the next day.

But, NOOOOoooooo. That, Sir, never happens. What I do instead is think about how I wasted the day. The guilt pours over the next day and so my next day is pretty much as productive as a toilet seat.

The Faramir part is probably there because I HONESTLY believe I try hard. Whether that trying part is exhausted in the planning part or the over-thinking part, I know not.

I’m a slow learner, I tell myself.

What I DON’T tell myself is that I’m probably an ass. A lazy one at that.

Siddiqui F.
(29.10.2014)