The Irks of an Idealist

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04/12/2016 by Siddiqui Fayesal

It’s been almost a month since the demon(itisation) drive and I have seen, heard, felt and spoken enough to finally be able to take on a stand that I can be sure of. Not sure of it being right, of course, that’s a question to be answered by the masses during the next elections. But, again, fickle-mindedness has long been a streak of abnormality running rampant amongst us since long.

What I’m sure of is that I have enough data to NOT be an apologist when I say it aloud that the drive has been an abysmally poorly thought of program. It’s been bad enough without conspiracy theories damaging and annihilating the little strength of hope the founding fathers put in the laws of Physics, namely, Inertia.

Inertia, because it was called a Wave, of course. A wave, like the laws of Physics say, will remain in motion till it is put to rest.

This drive was meant to pull through the quagmire of (alleged) paid journalism and (factual) jingoism that of late has become the main driving force behind the governance. But, I give the government credit where it deserves. I leaped with joy when I heard the note ban scheme. As soon as I heard it I was amazed at the political suicide that the Power is taking in doing this without a darn word out. So secretive and so amazing, I thought. Corrupt babus and capitalistic pigs would suffer, yay!!!

After all, removal of corruption was one of those dreary dreams that all youngsters have, few walk the path, but one can’t deny that it’s one of those lofty goals of every idealistic person. Like, wanting to be in the Army, wanting to play for the country (I’ve loathed this ‘play for my country’ part for years now, though) or wanting glory for the nation by an act of personal achievements and what not. Climbing the now crowded Everest, for example!

I had a phase when I was 19 when I wanted to take a shot at the IAS exams. The dream died painfully. I didn’t even try. I wanted to do something tangible and hardcore that would lift me high and put me in limelight and become a star that was hailed as a true Indian, patriotic and stuff that awesomeness is made of.

Then, life happened.

I not only couldn’t try for the IAS, I didn’t even feel guilty about not being able to try it. But, the long and short of it is that the aims and goals were always lofty and earnest. Like any young blood. Like any 19-year-old fresh out of high school and with intents paved with pride and honesty.

It has been 10 years since I was 19. Not much has changed apart from the exuberance and good intent. There still isn’t much that I have done. Yes, I have maintained peace; I have always been a cleanliness freak (much before they began charging me money for that) and I have almost always followed the traffic rules. I think I am what would one call a proud citizen who toes the line and works towards the betterment of the surroundings. 

They also serve who only stand and wait.
-John Milton

So, this adamant and gutsy move by the Prime Minister, with whom I’ve rarely agreed, filled me with awe. So much guts needed to do something like that, and what shitz went drunken crazy on the insides of my head complimenting the man I usually didn’t like.

Then, the shit hit the ceiling.

The dead spoke up. The news started floundering around like a dying fish out of water; strong visuals, but not much of a vocal. Hence, it was ignored. Look, I know what popular culture has taught us about conspiracy theories and how impossible and stupid they really are. I might be wrong, but I have always viewed conspiracy theories as a ‘possibility’. Maybe it’s because of the books I’ve read and the movies I’ve seen or the TV Series I’ve lapped up (read: X-Files), but I’ve always maintained a healthy respect for such ‘impossible’ theories and data that are called skewed. I hate to quote Sidhu (He’s far too verbose for my liking and far too grandiose for my respect), but he was right when he said about statistics hiding more than they reveal.

I am all for Black Money goals. But, one has to accept that shoddy planning is criminal; the fact that the size of the new notes and the deployment of ATMs calibrations are an issue means that planning was never taken seriously.

I’d like to say to the people who spew bullshit like, “If our jawans can stand at the border why can’t we stand in queues?”, that the only thing that surmises what I want to say is “Fuck You”! Yeah, You.

I am not going to spoon feed the bloodthirsty nationalist notion that is enveloping the nation. I am not looking for a dialogue with nincompoops.

The youths (I’m not sure that I can all myself a youth anymore) need to rally around and demand true democracy; the kind that lets people be educated rather than keeping them away from it. Maybe, I’m going back on my own words, because I have always maintained that Democracy is the best thing we can manage; not necessarily the best form!

There needs to be sort of a unity that we haven’t seen yet. It needs to move from the Indie and artsy scene and get into the mainstream movements. I know I’m wrong if I demarcate it at just that. There is a swelling of numbers that are standing up and taking things in their own hands and it’s getting more and more pronounced.

So much pronounced that they are jailing 20-year-olds! Yeah.

I don’t know How. I need to know, though. The small gestures make big waves. We need to lasso the movements and incorporate it into one big hand that’ll swat away the powers that be.

My patriotism is not equalled to singing the Anthem in a theatre, for fuck’s sake. My love for the nation isn’t going to be a frying pan of comparisons. I refuse to wear my patriotism on my sleeves and refuse to showcase it for any and sundry. But, alas, I’ll be thrown into prison for standing up to the autocratic and pseudo-democratic governance that India is allowing itself to become.

And, I will resist in my own ways. I hope for more strength one day.

Siddiqui F.

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