Ho Ho Ho

I beg to be released,
To be let out;
The shackles hold me close,
And they hold me dear.

I need assistance to
Escape the hell I’ve
Woven for my boredom.

But the thick blanket
Of self-deprecating
Humour
Prevents help from
Reaching on time.

And the cycle resets
Itself asd runs the agony
Of my solitude again.

Magnifying the 
Faults,
The drawbacks
And my incessant
Whinings.

I tell all of those
Who comes to help
That I’d rather be
Engaged with myself
Than the outside of my
Prison.

The passion of my 
Lies turn them away,
And they return,
Disenchanted with my
Needless valour.

For it is valorous
To rouse a crowd in 
A frenzy and then
Push them away from
Redemption.

Their redemption,
Not mine.

For a swollen soul seeks
Freedom from
Its expectations, and
Longs for another
Starved of Hope.

It empties itself
And looks about
To fill the Void.

I am the 
Before
And
After
of that Void.

All the lies in between
Is the needless help
That comes to pull me
Out of my 
Prison.

But I
Love my prison.

But I
Hate my prison.

I feel every emotion
In the spectrum
Towards my prison.

I want to get out
With urgency.

I want to stay
Will all my might.

My prison become my
Shelter,
Becomes my warmth
And light.

My prison holds me closer,
Tightens its chains,
And smothers me
Alive.

Siddiqui F.
(02.12.2018)

NB: Home.

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